The day I found out I was pregnant was actually my high school graduation day. When I first found out I was shocked. I immediately told my mom. Then called Quinn. Fast forward to our first ultrasound appointment. Quinn and I both were thinking the same thing during it but did not make a peep. We both saw two blob like things. At the very end the technitian told us “I don’t know how you’ll take this, but you’re pregnant with twins”. I was dumbfounded. This can’t be true, I thought.
The pregnancy was awful. There was no part about this that was a breeze. When I was thirty seven weeks pregnant the doctors found out I had preeclampsia (high blood pressure with protein in urine) and decided to schedule a cesarean for three days later. I researched videos of c- sections for those three days. I was so nervous to be awake during a surgery like this. I did not think I could handle it. But I did.
My first son, Owen is who came first. When I heard him cry he saved me. I do not say this lightly either. He saved me from my panic attack I was having. He made me feel so comfortable and at ease. It was all worth it in that moment. Then came his brother Samson. A few minutes later we were told Owen was born grunting and they needed to put him on some oxygen. They wheeled me into recovery all by myself. Sadly, I didn’t get any skin to skin. When I got to my room an hour later Owen was not there. They told me he was down in the nursery being looked at. A few minutes later we were told the horrible news that he would have to be transferred to a hospital an hour away to a higher up NICU because he was not breathing well.
I was not okay. I cried and I cried. I was sad I couldn’t even move to change Samsons diaper, sad I haven’t even met Owen yet, just sad about everything in my life at that moment.
Four days later I was released. That night I wanted to go see Owen. When I did I did not feel like he was my son. I kept saying to myself “why can’t we just leave him here?”. That is that post-partum depression taking over. That night I ended up being admitted into that hospital for very high blood pressure, at stroke level. I stayed for two nights. I got to bond with my Owen those days.
Having a child in the nicu is one thing, but having a baby in the nicu while having complications, recovering from a surgery, and taking care of a baby at home… oh boy. It was rough. But I am so thankful we did it and that everyone is now healthy.